HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
