she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
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He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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