i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
