if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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