She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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