Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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