i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
