I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
