I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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