i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
