That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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