she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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