i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
