dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
