Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
