she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
