Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
