apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
