I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
