The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize