man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
