..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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