I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
