just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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