Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
