took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
