I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
