you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Apparently you make a good broom.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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