i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
