Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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