The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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