I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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