Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
