walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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