I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
