things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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