The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
