Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
