I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
