I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize