yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
