I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
