How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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