we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize