I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
