he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
