yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
