got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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