Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
