How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Are my feet made of real feet?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
