mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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