I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
