I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
