Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I feel great
I just peed on a car
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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