I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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