I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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