I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
