I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
