maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
