Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
