My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
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Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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