grandma shit on top of the toilet
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
