How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
