Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
