Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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