guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
