good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
MIDGETS
????
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
