I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
4 words: hood of his car
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
