one two three fourrrrnication!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
