No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
