so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize