I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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