You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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