you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize