My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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