My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
