This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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