Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
