peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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