According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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