I didn't shave. On purpose
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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