Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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