but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
