apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
