Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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