goodnight i made you a song goodbye
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Barsexuality is the new black.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
