It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
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if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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