We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
