I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
