He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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